Eternally Black
by sakurademonalchemist
Summary: Sirius Black had a secret he never shared. Even with James. His family had attempted to mix chakra with magic, but nothing ever came of the union...until he accidentally unlocked the doujutsu. After the death of his best friend, his eyes got an upgrade. Sirius breaks free and decides to make things right, even if it means moving in with his cousins in the Hidden Continent.
1. Chapter 1

Sirius Black was many things, but oblivious was not one of them.

After the death of his best friend James by the hand of that traitor Peter, something weird happened to his eyes. Sure, they had always been a little odd after the first near death experience fighting that dark tosser Voldemort, but this topped even that odd sensation.

At first he didn't know anything was wrong, until he looked into a mirror after being declared traitor and thrown into Azkaban without reason.

(There were mirrors there, so if the prisoner was really desperate they could break it and kill themselves. Not like he cared.)

It was then Sirius noted that the odd eyes he got whenever he channeled raw magic into his eyes had shifted. Before he had three tomoe marks inside a sea of crimson red (he had looked up what the term for the marking were after they first appeared.

Now they had shifted slightly, the tomoe combining it a triad that spanned to the edges of the pupil. Where the circle inside the thicker bottom was there were now small stars and a thick circle that connected the three tomoe around the tops. In the center of his pupil was an eight pointed star.

He had no idea what the hell caused it to change, seeing as he almost never used the red eyes aside from when he actually needed the boost. Aside from making him faster and almost impossible to hit, Sirius simply didn't like using the eyes because A) they were bright red and that was generally a sign of being evil which HE WAS NOT despite claims otherwise and B) he had no freaking idea what would happen if he kept them up for too long and got too reliant on them.

Besides there was the fact that after the fifth time he used the eyes, he noticed that his vision was slightly blurry so he went to see and healer and learned that it had deteriorated. He correctly assumed the shifting of the eyes during battle had caused it, got a potion to reverse the damage (along with the name) and afterwords made a point to brew that potion if he had used the eyes during a fight.

* * *

It took Sirius the better half of a year to figure out that the upgraded eyes came with new abilities.

One of which was an ability to go into an entire different world of his own making for three days...figuratively at least, since it was more like three seconds outside... and to place illusions almost impossible to escape from with eye contact.

James never did figure out how the hell Sirius got so good at illusions when he couldn't cast one with his wand to save his life.

The second of which was that he realized with a start that anything he saw with the red eyes was permanently etched in his brain. Annoying, but it explained how he managed to pass his Auror's written exam so easily.

The third, which was the one that really baffled him, was the fact that he could literally _see_ the magic being drained from him and everyone else. It moved when he poked at it, but he could see it! And that had never happened before.

Eventually he found a location where the magic drain was almost nonexistent due to the fact the wards hadn't been looked at since the Dementors replaced the guards and he noticed his magic come back rather quickly.

Another quirk was that if he transformed with the eyes in either form, they stayed that way until he returned to being human. And that all his senses were amplified to that of an actual dog or possibly a wolf.

It somewhat amused Sirius that he was learning more about his bizarre eyes in prison than he ever had since he was eighteen and almost killed by a Death Eater who nearly strangled him to death without his wand.

He chalked that fact up to sheer and complete boredom.

* * *

Five years. That was how long he had been inside Azkaban, and in the process he had reviewed all the spells he had ever known (both from school and his family...much to his annoyance he knew far too many Dark-class spells because he often hide in the family library to avoid his mother's lessons on being a proper pure blood) and had mastered his animagi form to the point where he could do it at a drop of a hat.

Eventually Sirius was tired of being in this boring ass prison. Even the muggle prisons didn't look so damn dull! And the Dementors never came near his cell when his eyes were activated. Why, he had no idea, but he wasn't complaining.

So, instead of being bored out of his damn mind for another year, Sirius focused on something other than his eyes.

Escape. He knew for a fact that he had family outside of England. He was related to another rather odd pure blood clan that lived inside a little known barrier that kept a large mass of land hidden between Japan and Hawaii.

The Hidden Continents. All but forgotten aside from a few books and never spoken of. Mostly because the Ministry had thankfully long since forgotten about their cousins who were masters of the wandless magic.

If Sirius was going to make his escape, he would go there in a heartbeat. No doubt the Ministry would try to kill him once he escaped, and there wasn't a chance in hell he was leaving without taking Harry with him.

Having his eyes upgrade themselves had done one thing.

They gave him something to focus on other than James and Lily's death, and as a result he had moved past that. Now he wanted to fulfill his promise to the couple, and protect his godson from any Death Eaters who would undoubtedly target him once he went to Hogwarts.

And so Sirius planned his escape, using his eyes to help him memorize the schedules and prepare for his departure.

Among other things, he practiced his wide area illusion skills on the other prisoners. He didn't want to get caught once he went to Diagon Ally in order to get funds for his trip.

* * *

Sharpfang looked up from his book in surprise. Someone was casting a double genjutsu nearby. That was more than unusual, since shinobi generally didn't come to England after Grindlewald nearly wiped out the last bunch during World War 2.

Naturally his eyes widened considerably when he realized that the cause was none other than Sirius Black...with the Sharingan no less.

The goblins had assumed that the progeny of the Uchiha/Black union had died out during the war with Grindlewald.

Apparently not.

"Lord Black," said Sharpfang in a low tone.

"...You can see past the illusion?"

"Genjutsu doesn't work on goblins, Sharingan-related or not," said Sharpfang flatly.

Seeing his confusion, Sharpfang barked in goblin to another lower ranked teller and took him into the back.

The second the door closed and the wards went up, Sirius returned his eyes to normal and the illusions dropped. No one outside noticed a thing.

"Since you clearly have the Sharingan, I can only assume you plan to return to Hi no Kuni to embrace the other half of your bloodline," said Sharpfang.

"What is the Sharingan?"

"The Sharingan, or Mirror-Wheel Eye, is a doujutsu or eye-based bloodline of the Uchiha clan of Konohagakure that is located in Hi no Kuni, or Land of Fire. Around sixty years ago there was a union of the Black and Uchiha clans, though the child never activated the bloodline so it was assumed that the kekkei genkai couldn't be inherited outside Shinobi families. The Goblins had believed that the resulting children of that union had died off."

"What about the other form? Right after James died the form shifted into something else."

"I have no idea what form it is, and you'll have to look it up in the Village Hidden in the Leaf. In any event, you'll need to know a few things since your imprisonment."

Sirius straightened.

"Where is my godson?"

"According to reports, he is living with his maternal aunt. We have yet to confirm that however..." started the goblin. He paused when he realized that Sirius' eyes had shifted, presumably into the second form of the Sharingan.

"Who the fuck put him with Petunia?! She hated Lily for having magic when she didn't, and was verbally abusive to her sister!" he growled.

Sharpfang's eyes narrowed. Child abuse was not only frowned upon, but the punishment for it was severe even by goblins standards.

"Are you aware of her address?"

"Somewhere in Little Whinging, Surrey," he replied.

"Can you prove your innocence?"

"I can give a pensieve memory of the Fidelius Ritual used, and the fact Pettigrew was the one chosen to be Secret Keeper and there's the fact that as his godfather I was bound by magic never to harm my godson or allow him to come to harm willingly," said Sirius.

"It's a pity you were never given a trial, otherwise you would have been out on those counts alone."

As Sharpfang and Sirius descended into the Black Family vaults they found something in Bellatrix's vault that had the goblin cursing loudly.

A Horcrux.

And, according to a spell the goblins did once it was discovered, it was one of seven. The last one happening to be Harry's curse scar to Sirius' fury.

Still, Sirius was prepared by the goblins (he was given some hair dye and contacts to hide his features, and it worked well enough to keep the Aurors off his ass even without the illusion/genjutsu hiding him) so he could retrieve his godson.

And find out if Petunia knew who the hell left him with her, because anyone stupid enough to do so couldn't be trusted.

* * *

Petunia Dursley was not a fool, unlike the magical communities. She saw through the dye and contacts and realized Sirius Black was here for his godson.

"Get in here! Do you want the neighbors to see you!?" she hissed.

"Where is he Petunia?" demanded Sirius.

"School. He'll be back by three. What do you want?"

"Who left my godson with you of all people? Anyone who knew Lily well also knew that you two haven't gotten along since she first got her letter," said Sirius.

"I don't know who it was, but there was a letter left," said Petunia, finding it and handing it over to Sirius. One look at the initials and he swore.

"Dumbledore. That bastard had the nerve to leave him with you, even though Lily and James clearly stated in the will he was never to grace your home after the fight you two had the last time she saw you?"

Petunia's eyes narrowed.

"She said in her will he was never to come here?"

"She knew you didn't want anything to do with our world, and she didn't want you to deal with the strain of raising a magical child. Even though you two haven't gotten along since she found out she was a witch, she respected your wishes. She stated that Harry was never to come here and even had a list of people he could be given to should they die."

A slight pang in Petunia's heart came when she heard that. Still, she quelled it once she remembered that Harry wasn't their problem anymore.

A few hours later a child came home with messy black hair and loose clothes. His eyes were rather unfocused, which Sirius quickly realized was due to his father's poor eyesight.

"Aunt Petunia, who is this?" asked the child, wary.

She gave Sirius a Look. It wasn't nearly as terrifying as his mother's, but it was still a Look.

Sirius gave the boy a shaky smile.

"My name is Sirius Black...and I'm your godfather."

The sentence took exactly three-point five seconds to hit the kid, and the look of absolute relief was palpable on his face.

* * *

Sirius took one last look at England. The goblins had been paid well to prove his innocence using the memories he supplied, and the adoption had gone through the muggle world (seeing as how Petunia never had legal guardianship of Harry in the first place, despite being his aunt) meaning once he was cleared he would be Harry guardian in both worlds.

Before he left, he had cleared out most of the bookstore, replaced his wand (he went to Knockturn to insure it didn't have any tracers and actually _suited_ him) and bought enough potions ingredients to last him a few years if he didn't brew constantly.

He made sure to stock up on the ingredients to the one that healed his eyes whenever the Sharingan (nice to finally have a name for the damn thing) caused his eyesight to deteriorate. The second form seemed to have an annoying habit of making it worse.

Harry was just happy to leave Privet Drive, and the only reason he hadn't hexed Petunia once he realized the boy could barely handle a medium-sized meal was because she had given him over without a fuss and agreed to a memory wipe to keep anyone from learning where Harry went.

The goblins took care of the rest, even removing the Horcrux from his scar (though whether he retained any abilities was debatable) and several spells which had been placed on him.

Sirius had gotten muggle passports, and they were booked on a cruise that would take them to the very fringe of the barrier where they would borrow a boat and go to the ports.

Luckily the goblins had managed to get an owl out to the Village, so there was going to be an escort waiting for them.

Harry held his arms up, a universal sign of wanting to be picked up. Sirius chuckled and put him around his neck where the boy rested his arms on his head.

He was beyond furious at how attention-deprived his godson was, but he fully planned to make up for it.

And once they stepped on the plane which would take them to Japan (closer than Hawaii at any rate) they would be free of England...at least until the letter came.

* * *

Itachi was wary. He had heard tales of a child born of Uchiha and foreign blood outside the clan, but he didn't think they were true.

And now he had been selected to escort this Black Sirius and Potter-Black Harry to Konoha from Tea Country. Right in the middle of the rather tense situation between his clan and the village.

Shusui had been killed right before he left, so he knew things were at a boiling point.

Luckily the Hokage had permitted him to bring Sasuke along, since he felt it would probably ease the tension little Harry might have about coming to an unfamiliar land. Sasuke was eager to meet his cousin from outside the barriers.

Well, that and it got Sasuke far from the compound and away from Fugaku, who was showing far too much interest in his younger brother for his liking.

Itachi's Sharingan picked up a small boat, with three people in it.

One was obviously a sailor, since he was rowing. The other two appeared to be civilians, though the older one felt halfway between shinobi and civilian. The younger one looked excited to be on the boat.

The older man was the first off the boat, helping the younger off. Once he confirmed that the hitai-ate was Konoha's (he looked carefully at the sheet he had been given with the symbol, then at Itachi's headband) the sailor started back through the barrier.

The man looked to Itachi, since he was the leader for this mission.

"Kon-ni-chi-wa. Wa-ta-shi wa Black Sirius desu," he said in choppy Japanese.

Itachi gave him an odd look. His accent was atrocious.

"My name is Uchiha Itachi," he replied.

Sirius coughed.

"Sorry about the accent. The charm has to hear the language before it properly kicks in. This is Harry," he said.

Sasuke couldn't wait any longer, as he bounced up to Harry who was a few months older than him.

"Hi! I'm Uchiha Sasuke!"

Harry gave him a shy smile.

"I'm Potter-Black Harry," he said quietly, holding Sirius' hand for support.

Itachi snorted. Trust a child to break through tension that could cut like a kunai...


	2. Chapter 2

They spent one day at the port (mostly so Harry and Sirius could get acclimated to the area and for the translation charm to fully set in) before heading back to Konoha. Once Harry got over his shyness at meeting new people, he and Sasuke chatted like old friends.

It helped Harry get out of his shell, so Sirius didn't mind keeping half an eye on the two. Though to be honest it was like seeing two of them, since they looked so damn similar it was someone surprising.

Itachi, on the other hand, decided to talk to Sirius.

"How did you know to contact us?" he asked. That was one thing that bugged him. How had Sirius known to contact the Uchiha clan? According to all reports, the child who had come of the union of their families hadn't had any children. Or at the very least had the kekkei genkai to begin with.

To answer Itachi's question, Sirius activated his eyes. Itachi's eyes widened in absolute shock.

"Got these when I was eighteen. Didn't know what the hell they were, only that they made fighting a hell of a lot easier. They shifted to another form six years later. Never even knew what they were called until recently."

Once Itachi got his bearings back (he had stumbled for good reason once he saw the Sharingan in all it's glory in Sirius' sapphire blue eyes) he immediately asked what the other form looked like. Sirius had long since figured out how to shift between the forms, so Itachi was naturally interested in the Mangekyo Sharingan.

At least Sirius had a name for the damn thing.

* * *

Itachi was hyperventilating, and for damn good reason. The day after he left, someone had wiped out his entire clan, down to the last child. They had no idea who the hell did it, only that they had struck in a single night and the ANBU hadn't gotten there in time to stop the massacre.

The only reason Itachi and Sasuke had been spared was because they had been picking up Sirius and Harry.

Once the ensuing chaos of finding out an entire clan of skilled shinobi was wiped out to three people started, Sirius was beginning to wonder if bringing Harry there was such a good idea.

On the plus side, he did get on Itachi's good side by silencing most of the idiots trying to adopt the boys simply because Itachi wasn't even old enough by civilian standards and it would be rough to take care of his brother who was still an Academy student.

Once that was done, Sirius got everyone to shut up and listen to Itachi.

It took relatively little time to get things settled with Sirius hexing anyone who tried to split the brothers up into shutting up.

(Sarutobi would later instate him as Uchiha head, solely so Sirius could repeat that trick during council meetings. Itachi only agreed to it because it meant that his cousin from outside the barrier would have to deal with the paperwork that was sure to follow.)

* * *

Sirius grew to like Konoha. It was so much more interesting than England. Even if the paperwork was hellish.

And today there was some special festival about to go on. According to Itachi it was the celebration of the defeat of a massive Demon Fox who killed the Fourth Hokage, though no one had any clue to what happened to the body itself.

Sirius had been curious enough to look at the area where the Fourth bought it, and aside from a lot of still present malevolent chakra, he didn't sense anything out of the ordinary.

And that struck Sirius as strange, as even purely magical beings that were killed left behind some evidence.

So Sirius kept all eyes open as he knew for a fact there was something that no one was telling him. Even Itachi became tight lipped about the subject. And if there was one thing that gave Remus more gray hairs than his affliction, it was a curious Sirius Black.

Last time it had involved what Lily Evans looked like under her robe, and the payback was not pleasant.

So, as Sirius walked around the festival (leaving Harry in Itachi's more than capable hands, to the teen's horror of dealing with two children) he noticed the the adults seemed...tense for lack of a better word.

Alerted to the fact that something was up, Sirius went into a back alley and turned into Padfoot. As far as the ANBU and shinobi were concerned, the black dog was Sirius' nin hound, and he had never bothered to correct that assumption.

Though he did have fun learning that thanks to the Sharingan he could learn how to talk. It was a pain in the ass, but he could do it.

It was because of his canine form that he ran headfirst into the resident prankster of the village. Literally, in fact.

Sirius took one look at the mob, grabbed the kid's collar, and ran like the girl's dorms were after his ass after a prank gone wrong. The kid wisely didn't say anything and instead waited for the dog to stop.

Sirius dropped the kid on the couch (Itachi and the boys were out at the moment) and turned back.

"Geez, kid! What the hell did you do to piss that many people off? Drop frogs in the hot springs or something?" he asked panting.

The blond stared at him in shock...then awe. Then he remembered the this dog-turned-human just saved him a nasty beating.

"Nah, they always do that this time of year. No idea why, but they hate me," said the boy.

Then his frown turned into a grin.

"But the frogs in the hot spring is a good idea. For some reason the girl's side sticks a dead frog outside their bath house with a kunai at least once a year."

Sirius chuckled. He had noticed that, which was why he said it.

The kid's stomach growled loudly.

"How long had it been since you ate kid?"

"...About three days."

Sirius frowned, then went into the kitchen and whipped up some instant ramen.

Itachi didn't trust him with more than that after Sirius proved a little too well Uchiha blood ran true in his when he set the stove on fire...for the fifth time...in a week. After that he had been banned from making anything other than the simplest of meals and that was a small selection that included among other things instant ramen.

Only Harry was allowed to be near the stove and never around the sharp knives until he mastered the kunai. Like Sasuke, Harry had decided to join the Academy since he found shinobi fascinating. Well, that and Sirius knew for a fact it would make teaching magic a hell of a lot easier in the long run.

Itachi was still baffled as to how the hell Sirius could activate both forms of the Sharingan when the man's chakra coils were nonexistent! Let alone how he managed to reproduce a proper Grand Fireball without a single handsign and using only a polished stick!

The kid's eyes light up when he smelled the ramen.

"Here kid. I know what it's like to go without for days on end. How much do you think you can eat?" he asked.

"I can eat up to ten..." he mumbled.

Sirius chuckled and made a few more cups. By the time Itachi returned with two tired but very happy boys, Naruto had fallen asleep on the couch. He raised an eyebrow at the blond but thankfully the other two were too tired to notice his presence at the moment.

"Why is Naruto here?" he asked.

"That the kid's name? I rescued him from a mob that looked pretty pissed about something. Being that I know exactly what retribution from mobs like that (usually justified) I figured the kid could use a break. Poor guy said he hadn't eaten in three days," said Sirius, covering Naruto up with a blanket.

"...The Hokage will probably thank you. The birthday mobs are generally more vindictive than the usual ones," said Itachi tonelessly.

Sirius paused in cleaning up the ramen cups.

"Wait, birthday mobs? As in this happens every year on the kid's...?" he said in horror.

"Naruto... He was born on the day the Kyuubi attacked and because he resembles a fox he isn't very well liked at all. Most adults won't even give him the time of day, and he is overcharged almost everywhere in the village. Every year during the festival, the ANBU have to work overtime keeping drunken morons trying to kill him or at least maim him away. Thankfully this is one of the few places they won't enter."

"Damn...talk about bad luck. If his situation really is that bad, I'll go with him when he goes home. Though depending on where he's living, we might have another addition to the house..." said Sirius.

Itachi said nothing, but he had the feeling that the Hokage might approve of the adoption since Sirius had no issues with the fox and genuinely liked children. Occasionally Itachi saw him playing with the orphans and bringing them treats.

Sometimes he would even spar with one child, barely an Academy student, who had the most ridiculous eyebrows Itachi had ever seen. They were on par with Might Gai, the rival of his sempai Kakashi Hatake.

That thought brought to mind the idea of a clone, and he shuddered. One Gai was far too many.

* * *

Sasuke was the first to notice the addition at the breakfast table.

"What the hell is the class clown doing here?" he said in shock. Itachi slapped him upside the head with a frown. Doubtless he picked up that language from the Inuzuka kid in his class.

Harry, however grinned.

"Hey Naruto!" he said.

"Hari-kun?" said Naruto in surprise.

Harry was the only kid who would share his lunch with Naruto or even help him with homework.

"Fox Boy is here because somehow he managed to piss off fifty people last night and as a fellow prankster I wasn't about to let an aspiring terrorist get caught," winked Sirius.

Naruto paused in his devouring of the eggs (Itachi cooked when Harry didn't wake up to do so) to give Sirius a wide-eyed stare.

Sirius patted him on the head, noting with some anger that Naruto had the same reaction Harry had...which meant he was an attention deprived child as well, only instead of his family hating him for existing and the neighbors watching with passive dismissal it was an entire village who hated him for reasons he had no knowledge of. Sirius even followed Naruto after classes as Padfoot, and he saw the looks they gave him.

That wasn't annoyance, it was outright hate and anger. All of directed at an eight-year-old kid who according to Itachi was an orphan. The only real friend Naruto could claim was Harry, and that was because Sirius didn't discourage him from becoming friends with the kid.

And out of all the looks Naruto got, the only ones remotely friendly came from a small stand that belonged to a father/daughter duo that sold almost nothing but ramen. It was clear that even if the world hated the kid, these two at least gave a damn if he were to suddenly dropped dead.

It was when he saw the state of Naruto's apartment that he saw red. Blood red.

It was a complete wreck...his cell in Azkaban was more welcoming and that was saying something.

Every wall was painted on, all variations of the word demon, die, or some profanity. Inside wasn't much better. The house was nearly demolished and barely standing. Every dish destroyed, every book in shreds, every scrap of cloth ripped and torn.

The kid shrugged off the damage with practiced ease and started to clean up. Sirius didn't need to see the boy's face to know he was crying.

It was more than enough for Sirius to head to the Hokage. No way in hell was he letting this slide...and it wasn't like they didn't have enough room for another kid.

* * *

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Black-san," said Sarutobi tiredly. Sirius had come into his office and all but demanded that he be allowed to adopt the boy.

And Sarutobi didn't know the man well enough to trust him with the village pariah.

"Bullshit. Have you seen what that boy goes through everyday? Or what his house looks like?"

"I have seen more than you would ever know Black," said the Hokage angrily.

"I thought you would at least be more reasonable than _him_. Here's my only warning Hokage-_sama_. I don't give a flying fuck what the council says about the boy or what that fool Danzo wants. There is no way I'm letting an innocent child live in those conditions. Even if you don't give me guardianship of the boy, he is staying with us regardless. I'll turn anyone who tries to stop me into frogs, just see if I don't," snarled Sirius.

"My hands are tied. Even if I wanted to let you take him in, the council would have my ass."

"Like I said before, let them try. I will turn anyone who tries to stop me into frogs and chuck them in the women's hot springs. I know for a fact you don't have anything that will stop me, wards or no and I've been mastering how to use my powers without a wand. Let them pin the blame on me, but there is no way in hell I'm letting that kid suffer any more."

Sarutobi sighed.

"I'll do what I can. I suppose it's a mixed blessing Fugaku was killed before you came... he would have put up a real fight to keep Naruto out of his clan's home. At the very least, Naruto will be safer with you than alone."

Sirius backed down, fully aware the ANBU was a half step away from killing him for challenging the Hokage like that. He just didn't give a damn. He once faced down a pissed off time-of-the-month Moony when the wolf had been in the wrong about something, and he had been about to shit his pants that time.

But if there was one thing Sirius wasn't about to back down about, it was child abuse. Even pure bloods like his mother had never descended to that level. Verbal abuse, yes, but never physical or mental abuse like the amount he had seen while watching Naruto Uzumaki.

* * *

Harry was given a mission by Sirius. He had to get Naruto to come back to the Uchiha estate without letting his watchers know about it.

Not exactly difficult, considering Harry didn't mind helping Naruto with homework. And Sirius was giving Harry enough cash to let Naruto fill himself with Ichiraku's ramen.

He had even gone to the man himself and explained what he was going to do and why, and Teuchi had promised to back him up however he could.

Naruto didn't suspect a thing, and it wasn't until he found himself in the same house the dog-man brought him with Sasuke-teme that he realized he had been tricked.

But for once, he didn't mind being tricked at all.


	3. Chapter 3

In less than a week, Naruto got used to going to the old Uchiha compound instead of his apartment. The first thing Sirius had noticed was that Harry and Naruto had similar builds, so he took Harry clothes shopping to get Naruto a new wardrobe.

Since the blond actually _did_ love orange in all forms, Sirius got him a few shorts and a shirt with orange tints. He idly wondered if the kid would become a Cannons fan.

The next thing was an entirely new set of school books, claiming Harry had been learning how to use a fireball and they had caught fire. Since he lived with Sirius and Itachi, no one questioned the lie.

And the final thing he did was go over Naruto's apartment and taking anything salvageable with him.

Naruto wasn't exactly upset by the news that his home was officially labeled condemned after all the damage the last mob did to it.

At least his new home had hot water and clean sheets.

True to Sarutobi's prediction, there was a bit of an uproar that Naruto had unofficially been adopted by the remaining Uchiha members.

That had lasted all of five minutes before Sirius started hexing people into random animals. Civilian or not, you do not fuck with a Black.

Sirius would later be horrified when he found out he was channeling his cousin Narcissa at her worst. The tone he used was sickeningly polite, but no less dangerous by Shinobi standards.

"Am I to understand that you believe an eight-year-old child who has done nothing more thank play some relatively minor pranks is a demon? That a child who has never once raised a hand against people who would gladly see him dead on the street for no other reason than existing is some sort of monster?"

"That boy is...!" started one man, but he was silenced by a kunai thrown at him by one of the shinobi.

"I don't give a damn about what you believe that boy to be. I followed him the day after the festival and all I saw was an innocent child being ostracized by an ungrateful village who hated him for no apparent reason other than being alive. That boy had done absolutely nothing wrong to a single person. Any relatively sane person could see that his pranks are nothing more than a cry for attention. And if I hear one more word about him being a demon, I will use my illusions on the first person to piss me off. And I can be very...creative...when pushed," Sirius snarled.

"Enough! Sirius, sit down," said Sarutobi. Sirius glared at them one last time but reluctantly did so. But the threat of violence was still very present around Black.

"I for one agree with Black-san. I am disgusted at the sheer amount of anger and hate directed a child who has never so much as lifted a hand against the people who have tried to kill him over the years. It amazes me Naruto still even cares for this village, because I sincerely doubt any other child would feel the same," said the Hokage coldly.

"But he's..." started Councilwoman Haruno.

"An innocent child who had no more control over being born that day than you would have control over how Black would react if you continue," said Sarutobi flatly.

Danzo looked very much like he wanted to say something, but the look Sirius shot him had him keep his silence. Sirius was one word away from sending quite a few people into a Tsukiyomi-induced coma. And judging by the look Sarutobi had on his face, he wasn't planning to stop him until after the fact.

The fact was Sarutobi was sick and tired of seeing Naruto in bad condition and the way his apartment was completely destroyed every year because of the damn Fox.

With the tension in the air, Sarutobi decided to bring this to an end as fast as he could.

"Now, if there are any _reasonable_ explanations as to why Sirius Black cannot adopt Naruto, let them out now. And they had better be damn good ones, and not because the boy is a 'demon', or because he could possibly tarnish the honor of the Uchiha clan, diminished as it is."

There was nothing but silence. Except for Danzo's clear voice.

"What about the fact he is a foreigner who has no real ties to the village?"

Sirius glared at the one-eyed war hawk.

"What part of 'I could care less about England' do you not get? I happen to _like_ Konoha, though that is still up for debate with what's happened recently," Sirius shot back.

"The fact remains that you are not from this village and your loyalty is questionable at best," Danzo said back, his eye glinting in a way Sirius really didn't like.

"Family sticks together, even if the blood isn't strong. There is no chance in hell I am abandoning those boys after what happened," said Sirius flatly.

Danzo and Sirius stared off...before the sound of laughter was heard from the shinobi side.

"Ha! Well said, for a civilian. I have no problems with him takin' in the brat," said Tsume, who lead the Inuzuka clan.

"I have no issues with it either," said Hiashi stiffly. While brash, there was no mistaking the loyalty towards family Sirius had. He would go against the Hokage himself if it meant protecting his kin, and he respected that.

"There's also the fact that Naruto's pranks might actually go down if someone actually cared for him," said Shikaku, head of the Nara clan. Chouza and Inoichi agreed with him.

One-by-one, the shinobi clan heads agreed that it was probably fine if Sirius adopted Naruto. A few brave Civilian council members even joined in.

"It's decided. Naruto is now the ward of Sirius Black-Uchiha," said Sarutobi.

Since there was little meaning to hashing over the same things, the meeting disbanded a little early.

"Honto?" said Naruto.

"Better believe it, fox boy. You're one of us now," said Sirius.

"One of us, one of us, one of us..." Harry and Sasuke started to chant eerily, to Itachi's amusement.

Itachi however, turned to Sirius.

"You do realize that any complaints about Naruto will now come directly to you, and that you will have to pay for any damages he causes?" he said dryly.

"Bah, just means I have to teach him how to frame others before I really get him started on pranks!"

Naruto looked at him in surprise.

"I don't have to give up my pranks?" he said in surprise.

"Hell no! I was known as oneof _the_ biggest pranksters back when I was in school! But we will be reviewing basic methods of diverting attention to others...so long as you don't frame anyone in here."

Naruto started bowing saying he wasn't worthy...and the Hokage had a chill go down his spine.

_Time Skip four years..._

"GET BACK HERE DAMMIT!"

Sirius paused in buying food for dinner (only Itachi and Harry were allowed to cook more than instant food) to watch the chaos.

Naruto, Harry and Sasuke had come along well in his basic prank skills, though only Harry and Naruto had bothered to learn the intermediate stuff.

Today Harry and Naruto had used an old history book to paint the Hokage mountain and make it look like they were alive again. Though for some reason they couldn't find any pictures of the Fourth, so they had enlisted the help of Itachi who was the only one who knew what the man had looked like.

More than a few people did a double take when they saw the blond Hokage looking alive again on the mountainside and the fact Naruto almost looked like a younger version. Some even put two and two together and figured that maybe there was a relation between the two.

Among those who knew the truth, it was amusing to see people go around in circles and never figure out the reality.

Sirius chuckled and headed back to the compound, where the accursed paperwork from hell awaited.

More than a few time Itachi heard the man mumble about burning it all...and how no one would know it was gone. He would never tell the man, but it was frighteningly similar to the sound of the Third Hokage some days.

He did however burn any complaints about Naruto from the school or businesses claiming that he 'damaged' something when they weren't involved in a prank.

Naruto had a lot of fun practicing his fireballs on those.

Sirius paused when he heard the boys cry out in disappointment at failing to evade Iruka long enough to reach the compound, which was an agreed upon safe zone.

If they had made it that far Itachi would have taken them out training and they would have gotten off relatively free. Ever since he retired from the ANBU, he had been a lot easier to talk to.

Sasuke was more than happy about the fact Itachi was around more. Even though Sirius had taken over as clan head, Itachi was still the heir. When he was ready, Itachi would take over for Sirius.

Not that Itachi ever would, since he didn't want to deal with either the council or the damn paperwork.

Besides, he liked just being a regular shinobi.

Today was the exam for genin, again. When Itachi learned of Naruto's issue with the regular clone, he promptly taught him the shadow clone.

Sirius could only hope that none of the boys ended up with a fan girl. He had seen the girls practicing once, and they had made him wince.

For some reason, he had yet to acquire any, which according to Itachi was an Uchiha curse.

Humming a tune while he walked, ignoring the cries of fury from the pursuing shinobi, he wondered where Remus was.

And why the wolf had never contacted him.

Sirius took his customary spot in the boy's class. Iruka had allowed it once he figured that the large dog wouldn't actually do anything to distract him or the kids and was just there out of boredom. No one had ever figured out the dog was Sirius, and he liked it that way.

The only thing he didn't like was one of the teachers. Mizuki, the man with hair very similar to Itachi's former friend Kakashi, gave Sirius a bad feeling. Mostly because of the looks he shot Naruto, who had shot up almost like a rocket with all the new help and food he had been getting. He was no longer the dead last or the shortest kid in class. Now he was easily on the same level as Ino Yamanaka, one of Sasuke's fan girls.

After the first scream fest that nearly killed his hearing, the girls had learned rather quickly not to do their banshee impersonation whenever he came into their class.

His barking had drawn a lot of unwanted attention from the other shinobi, and it had taken the translation from Kiba to find out why he was barking at all. The fact he was whining for real only made his request more reasonable.

Well, that and Iruka got onto them about how Shinobi are supposed to be quiet, not shriek so loud that it would draw attention for miles.

Sirius barked in laughter when Naruto got Iruka with his Sexy Jutsu, and Harry one-upped him by turning into Iruka as a sexy woman without clothes. The laughter of the children was only outdone by the Giant Demon Head of Iruka.

The fact Sirius was still snickering in amusement (which Iruka somehow knew the dog was laughing at him) did not help him.

Once Sirius heard the requirements for graduating, he went with Naruto and Harry back to the house while Sasuke got the groceries. By unofficial agreement, only Sasuke, Itachi or Sirius were allowed to get groceries since the clerks would try to overcharge Harry or Naruto.

Sirius went into his room and shifted back, pretending to yawn.

"So did you guys get the requirements?"

"Clone is a cert," said Naruto.

"Naturally. Which means you two will be... Do either of you hear knocking?" he said.

Sure enough, there was the sound of knocking. Sirius hated standing on ceremony as much as Naruto did. If people wanted to come visit them, they would announce themselves loudly like Naruto would or just barge in. They rarely if ever knocked politely.

And the ANBU tended to show up in the open areas of the garden if they wanted someone.

Sirius immediately drew his wand and signaled the boys to take cover. It wouldn't be the first time they had an attack in the mostly empty Uchiha district. It usually took three minutes for reinforcements to arrive.

He knew...because he had timed it once.

Sirius opened the door, knowing that if anything happened Itachi was hiding behind him with that weird screen thing shinobi sometimes used.

His wand was ready to hex anyone stupid enough to cause trouble.

He nearly dropped it when he saw who was there.

"Moony?"

"Where is Harry?"

"Hold up. If you really are Moony, what incident nearly ruined our friendship if James hadn't intervened?" said Sirius. He wouldn't put it past the old goat to send a Moony look alike.

"You nearly got Severus infected by sending him my way on a full moon, but James found out at the last minute," said Remus. His eyes narrowed.

"What was the one thing you swore you would never do when you finally moved in with James' family?"

"Return to Grimmauld Place. No way in hell am I listening to my mother's portrait scream at me for abandoning their pure blood tripe," said Sirius. An idea came to him and he showed both arms.

No Dark Mark.

"But... this doesn't make any sense! If you don't have the mark then why..."

"Peter. Little rat bastard pulled a fast one, and he was chosen as keeper to keep the Death Eaters guessing. I had no idea he was the traitor, I swear Moony. If you want to see Harry, you can come in, but if you try to kidnap him for Dumbledore you'll find it harder even for your...furry...form."

Itachi appeared behind Sirius.

"What is going on?"

"Someone trying to cause trouble. don't worry, he's relatively harmless..." said Sirius.

"This coming from the only man brave enough to dump Itching powder into the girl's dorm rooms..." muttered Remus.

"It was James' idea and you know it! Lily hexed us all equally if you recall!" said Sirius, not bothering to deny it.

"Uncle Sirius, who is the old guy?" asked Harry in blunt English.

Remus sputtered.

"I'm not that old! I'm the same age as this bloody mutt!"

"Then why's your hair all gray?" asked Naruto.

Remus turned around to glare at the laughing Sirius.

"I blame you."

"He did train us to mention the gray hairs if you ever showed up," said Sasuke bluntly.

"Oh really?" said Remus.

Sirius squawked when he felt the spell hit his hair.

"DAMMIT MOONY! YOU KNOW I HATE PINK!" yelped Sirius.

Remus grinned at the sound of the boys laughing at him.

"So...why did you move all the way to the barrier?"

"Moony, remember how I was always so good at illusions even though I couldn't cast one to save my own ass?"

"Drove James up the wall trying to figure that out," said Remus knowingly.

"It's an inherited trick. Itachi?"

"Sirius is our distant cousin. A few months after his escape and retrieving the little imp, he sent a letter to our clan asking if he could come see us. Naturally we were surprised to hear from the Black clan after the failed merger of bloodlines, but our father agreed to it, curious why the magicals were bothering us after a century. Before we came back from escorting him back to the village, the clan was destroyed in a single night. Sirius took the position as clan head since I wasn't old enough to legally do it," said Itachi.

"So your weird illusions are a blood trait, like parseltongue?" said Remus.

"A part of it. A very small, small part..." muttered Sirius, trying and failing to remove the spell. Eventually he gave up. Then he rounded at Itachi.

"And the only reason I was chosen as clan head is because you never told me how much damn paperwork was involved! Only an insane person would enjoy it!"

Itachi snorted in amusement.

"Paperwork?" said Remus, trying not to laugh. Sirius had a bit of an...allergy...to anything related to paperwork. More than once Scrimgour got on his ass for burning it.

Itachi smirked, and began to tell stories of what had occurred with Sirius around while Remus traded tales of their school days to the boys amusement. Sirius made the appropriate offended sounds, but he was actually relieved. He hadn't know how being the only trained wizard would feel.


	4. Chapter 4

It took Remus a few hours to realize that no, Sirius hadn't been the traitor. Though the fact he was more than happy to show the man the memories didn't hurt either.

The only reason Sirius had one was because he used it as a teaching aid. He had found out that not only did Harry have magic (like there was any doubt) but so did Naruto and Sasuke. Itachi had a little bit, but he was too old for his magical core to stretch properly.

So every week Sirius would teach them magic. Itachi was sporadic, being the only official ninja in the family. But he was still making a lot of progress.

It didn't hurt Sirius had raided the bookstore for most of the standard books and gotten all of his old ones from his vault.

After graduating Sirius had chucked all his old school things and his trunk into his vault so he could properly celebrate graduating. He never thought he would have to drag the damn thing out just to teach a bunch of kids magic.

Ironically enough, kunai made to channel chakra worked just as well as a wand, so Sirius had gotten all the boys a set of chakra-conducting kunai and taught them the basics. Itachi had been surprised he had gotten his hands on the special kunai, but that had disappeared when Sirius mentioned that the Hokage had helped him by giving him a special license to buy actual ninja gear.

"Alright boys, time for bed. That includes you Itachi, don't think I didn't notice you wince earlier," said Sirius.

"Damn," muttered Itachi.

"No missions until that heals up enough that you can move without wincing," said Sirius flatly.

Itachi grumbled under his breath. He had tried to take a relatively easy escort mission once when his arm was sprained, but Sirius had hit him with a Full-Body bind without hesitating and made him stayed in Konoha until he was able to move the arm without wincing. The Hokage had laughed his ass off that day, and the medics had begged for the technique.

The end result? Sirius had a job at the hospital insuring ninja didn't move around too much when they were injured badly. The medics had been very happy to learn that magic did _not_ interfere with their healing techniques or medicines.

He wasn't allowed to give out prescriptions but he was cleared for most basic medicine like changing bandages and handing out pills. Plus he livened up the stay of most shinobi by bringing books on request and some minor magic shows.

"I want to hear more stories of how you got beaten up by Yuri-san!" complained Naruto. Harry nodded in agreement.

"Tomorrow," said Sirius.

The boys pouted, but went to bed. Itachi reluctantly followed when Sirius threatened to hex his hair red.

Remus turned to Sirius.

"Since when are you so responsible?"

"Since I learned I had to take care of not one, but four boys, one of which acts too mature for his age. Go ahead and ask Moony."

"Why did you take Harry away from England?"

"Moony, what do you remember of Petunia Dursley? Lily's older sister?"

"I remember she was a complete bitch and that Lily said she would never trust her son with her sister," said Remus flatly. He had met the woman once, and they had disliked each other on sight.

Petunia because of Remus' ragged clothes, magic and the fact that he didn't have a job. Remus hated her because she was a reverse pure blood who thought Lily was a freak and thought he was beneath her because he had trouble holding a job.

He was very, very glad to get out of that house. It reeked of industrial strength cleaner and bleach.

"Dumbledore had the gall to drop Harry off at her house without so much as a word, and he had been forced to cook and clean once he was old enough to reach the stove. You should have seen the look in his eyes when he found I was there to take him away from that house. He had trouble handling a gentle hand on his shoulder for the spirit's sake!"

"He WHAT?! Petunia hated Lily for having magic!"

"I couldn't let him stay there once I heard from the goblins where he had been left. If he had been left with anyone else, even the Weasleys, I would have been fine with that. But Petunia isn't fit to raise a flobberworm, let alone a child. You should have seen her own son...he was as big as a younger version of Hagrid, and I know Petunia would never consider marrying a Giant!"

Remus shuddered.

"Why did you come here Moony?"

"Dumbledore figured I would be the best to find you, even if it took a while to locate where I was. I wasn't aware Harry was with you until he told me."

"I figured he would do better as a shinobi trained wizard than as a mindless pawn of Dumbledore. Though I do wonder why I have yet to see a single owl deliver a letter..."

"Dumbledore wondered that too. When Harry turned eleven not a single owl returned from trying to deliver the letters... eventually he gave up because the owlry was nearly empty of owls."

"I wonder... Tomorrow when I drop the boys off at school why don't we go see the old man and ask what happened?"

"Old man?"

"Old Man Hokage. He doesn't seem to care if I call him out on his age."

* * *

"Owls? Oh, you mean those owls. Why do you want to know about those odd birds we captured three years ago?" said Sarutobi in surprise.

He had forgotten about them, being swamped by paperwork at the time.

Sirius and Remus face planted.

"You still have them?"

"We released them a few months later, but occasionally they come back. Most get eaten by the giant snakes in Area 44 though," said Sarutobi casually.

"Any show up recently?"

"One showed up last weak, nearly dead."

Sirius and Remus took one look at the owl, and Sirius face palmed.

It was a Hogwarts owl, complete with letter to Harry. Sirius prodded it with his wand, and it turned black.

"Port Key. Oh my Spirits, this is..." said Sirius as he started cracking up.

"You mean to tell me the owls never made it because they were eaten?" said Remus incredulous.

"They must have assumed this was the Owlry by mistake!" said Sirius.

It explained a hell of a lot, like why he hadn't seen any the entire time he was here. School owls were spelled to go to the nearest Owl post, or equivalent to avoid detection by muggles. So naturally the area where all the messenger hawks would draw them. And since Harry was still an Academy student, there wasn't any reason to bring the fact that a ton of what appeared to be school letters to the Hokage's attention, since the people in charge of the hawks would assume it was some elaborate prank.

And with all the chakra in the air, it was only natural that the owls would get confused and eventually eaten by all the massive predators in the area.

Or captured by shinobi, since Sirius had heard from Itachi off-hand that Kumo had an Owl summons contract, and shinobi would probably mistake the smarter than normal owls as summons without knowing better.

The chunin gave the Uchiha clan head an odd look.

"Is he alright?" he said nervously.

"He'll be fine. Now that he knows what really happened he'll get over it in a few minutes...or I'll send a stinging hex his direction," said Remus.

The Hokage looked at Sirius with concern.

"What happened to him?"

"Silencing charm combined with overpowered stinging hex. He wouldn't shut up," said Remus flatly. Sirius gave him a betrayed look.

"What would set him off like that?"

"Remember about the owls? Turns out that the birds mistook your Messenger Hawk area as an Owlry which was why the letters Sirius had been expecting since Harry turned eleven never showed up."

"Owlry?" said Sarutobi confused. Remus removed the silence charm off Sirius.

"Harry is like me...so are the other boys. I had been teaching them magic for a while using those kunai you cleared me for, and I expected them to get letters from home or at least Japan for real magic schooling. I was surprised when they never came, and I had always wondered what happened," said Sirius.

"Naruto has magic?"

"All four of them do. Even Itachi, though his isn't nearly as strong since he started out so late. From what I can tell magic and chakra are nearly identical with a few key differences. Naruto and Harry had about the same amount, while Sasuke has a little less. If I had known the owls had gone to the wrong place, I wouldn't have worried so much."

"So that mass of owls was..."

"A complete mistake. Pretty damn funny though," said Sirius with a chuckle.

"Which reminds me, the boys should be about ready to try their luck at the exam. I know for a fact Harry has already passed, but then again his last name is Black..."

Sirius slapped his forehead in disbelief. He forgot to go watch them.

"I'm going to go check on them. In the meantime, Remus wait at the Academy gates okay? Itachi is out training so he should meet you there once school lets out."

"Okay, where is the Apocalypse? You are never enthusiastic about watching classes!"

"Ninja classes don't bore me to tears...except history but at least Iruka doesn't drone on and on..." said Sirius.

"Uzumaki-Black, Pass!" said Iruka with no little sense of relief. Sirius chuckled from outside the testing area. Naruto bounded in with a grin and his new headband.

"About time Ramen-breath," said Sasuke.

"Can it Tomato-brains!" Naruto shot back with a grin.

"Both of you shut it," said Harry with a smirk.

* * *

Sirius was with Remus and Itachi when the boys came out.

"Passed, did you? Good! Now you can help earn your keep!" said Sirius mockingly.

"Bite us, old man!" barked the trio in unison.

"I'll show you old you little..." said Sirius with a grin.

"Ramen for everyone!" said Itachi, cutting them off.

"RAMEN!" cried Harry and Naruto.

Harry had a love of ramen since he taste Ichiraku's specially made bowls. He was particularly fond of chicken.

Later, when Naruto went to use the restroom (before devouring even more delicious ramen) he ran into Mizuki who had a rather...odd...proposition for him.

Sirius found Naruto in five minutes, while he read the Sacred Scroll. Once he found out what was really going on, he helped Naruto copy off the scroll to train with later.

He could just tell Naruto had the ability to use some of it, and it wasn't like he would have a chance to look at it until he reached Itachi's rank.

Well, that and Naruto had enough control to summon foxes, so what were a few kinjutsu?

(That contract had appeared out of nowhere next to him, and once signed Itachi showed him the hand signs. Naturally they were all surprised to learn that the boss of the summon set had sent it solely to one up Jiraiya of the Sannin. Something about an ongoing bet with the Toad Boss...)

Sirius stayed in his human form, and hid when Iruka appeared. He barely resisted the urge to growl when he realized it was that damn Mizuki who set this mess up.

_An hour and one shocking revelation about a certain furry tenant later..._

"Well runt, you sure stirred up an Aburame hive with this...then again, considering this bastard tricked you, you should be fine," said Sirius, kicking Mizuki in the chones for good measure.

The man whimpered, but that was nothing compared to the pain Naruto had brought on him for attempting to kill his favorite teacher Iruka.

Iruka however was watching Sirius warily.

"Why aren't you freaking out like Naruto did about the Fox?"

"Because I always suspected something was weird about how the Fourth 'killed' the Nine-Tailed Fox. Aside from some minute energy left over, there wasn't a single sign of something that big, and there should have been. And it explains a hell of a lot as to why Naruto was treated so badly before I took him in," said Sirius flatly.

As far as he could tell, Naruto had something equivalent to a very old, very pissed off dragon inside his stomach. Something he would undoubtedly learn to control and harness.

Which meant Sirius had to instill a sense of danger in the hyper-active brat, who would likely piss off said Fox enough that he would make things difficult just to be difficult.

Sirius groaned...this would be a long couple of months...especially when Naruto couldn't sit still to save his life!

* * *

"So...now you know," said Sarutobi.

"Know, and could care less. Naruto is Naruto. And my warning still stands old geezer, first one to bring up the word demon and Naruto in the same sentence around me gets turned into a frog and thrown into the woman's bath," said Sirius flatly.

And that was as close to a death threat as Sirius got, because the women _hated_ frogs and if one were thrown into their baths they would get homicidal in a hurry. Sirius still didn't know why they hated the amphibians so much.

"It's considered a crime to mention it, unless you're me or Naruto. I had intended it so Naruto could have friends, but it backfired spectacularly."

"If you can't talk about it directly, then people will obviously make up numerous euphemisms just to talk about it without getting busted," said Sirius, knowing how that worked.

Sarutobi coughed, getting the idea.

"Quite. I suppose you have other questions?"

"Just one that's been bugging me for years. Why do the women hate frogs and kill them so fast if chucked into their bathhouse?"

Sarutobi covered his eyes.

"That would be because Jiraiya has a bad habit of sitting on his summon toads to peek at them for his books. Unfortunately he also gets caught frequently, so the women had developed a severe hate of the creatures as a result..."

"Jiraiya, as in Mr. I-need-to-learn-how-to-spell-and-in-serious-need-o f-someone-with-proper-grammar? That Jiraiya?" said Sirius amused beyond reason.

"You've read his books," said Sarutobi.

"The porn is half-assed and despite my hatred of all things paper, I couldn't read more than a chapter before I set it on fire. Kakashi was horrified, because that had been one of his copies. I've never seen Itachi laugh so hard in my life."

"...Itachi can laugh?"

"I've got the memory and equipment to prove it," said Sirius.

"This I have to see. That boy is far too serious," said Sarutobi.

"He's not Sirius, I am!"

"...And that is a horrible pun."

"Get your kicks when you can, old man," said Sirius unrepentant.


	5. Chapter 5

Since he now knew what the hell happened to the owls, Sirius gave the boys an option which the Hokage agreed to.

They could suspend their shinobi training for a year and learn magic exclusively at Hogwarts...or Sirius could send Remus to pick up more books in his name and teach them at home where their magic training would be sporadic.

The second they heard who they would be stuck with...Kakashi Hatake...they chose to go to Hogwarts for a year.

They knew Kakashi through Itachi, and while they didn't mind the man his choice in books and chronic lateness left much to be desired.

They still had to train at the school, but Sirius gave them all the escape routes he knew and a room the Marauders knew about that hid all their pranking equipment from the old days. And with how early they got up (some more reluctantly than others) it would be easy to slip past the teachers and practice.

Well, that and one of the stipulations was that Itachi come to check on them at least once a month.

Sirius had the perfect excuse, even if Sasuke hated that he was the scapegoat.

Because of the massacre, Sasuke had to see his older brother at least once a month to insure neither of them had any ideas of finding the killer who had never been caught. This would also give Itachi a chance to check on their progress, give them scrolls, and point them in the right direction.

And since he and Sirius had been training using their Mangekyo Sharingan, check for any magic-based illusions or compulsions put into place by a certain old goat. Itachi had more than enough experience to see through those, since Sirius had a habit of pranking him with said illusions. The teen was just glad Sirius not only knew of a potion to heal the damage caused by said eyes, but also how to brew it. He didn't want to lose his eyesight from over use.

It was near August anyway, so Sirius hung around the Messenger Hawk building since he didn't want the birds to know where the boys lived.

Sure enough, the birds honed in on him because of his magical signature and relieved their burdens on the man. The Chunin in the building were very surprised, as no one had managed that without getting maimed at least.

Sirius deftly picked out the ones with hidden portkeys and set them ablaze, and finally located six distinct letters.

One was for Hogwarts, two for the Japanese school and three were for Salem Institute.

The Hogwarts one was for Harry, the Japanese for Naruto and Sasuke respectively, and the Salem Institute for all three.

Sirius would look over the letters and help the boys pick out where they would go. The owls allowed the chunin on duty to take them for food, water and rest since they had spent days on the wing just getting there.

It was the easiest time they had ever had with the ornery birds.

* * *

"SUGOI! We got two letters!" said Naruto loudly.

About the only thing Sirius had done for his volume control was to teach the boy to tone down the voice indoors and in private settings. He wasn't going to change Naruto, because he liked the way the boy was now. A bundle of chaotic energy just waiting to be unleashed on some poor idiot.

"I expected at least the Hogwarts letters, but I should have known _someone_ would have picked up on me training you. Coincidentally Itachi, someone from a magical college figured out there was a problem with the owls, so there is one here for you as well.

Itachi was pretty much an adult in the eyes of the magical communities and Sirius had given him the full seven-year training so he could keep up.

"Which one?"

"It's in Japan, and they sent it through the messenger hawks from a nearby port," said Sirius.

Itachi looked at the letter and immediately opted to go. He needed a break from missions and they would be paid anyway for information about the outside world.

Well that and Sirius had finally fessed up that the 'dog' he owned was actually him, but he figured that if the Hokage didn't know he wouldn't have to cover for why a dog was in a top secret area when he wasn't supposed to be.

Itachi was naturally interested in the transformation, and a quick test proved that he had some sort of large cat.

Sirius had snickered at that, and to the amusement of the younger trio had given Itachi black cat ears that lasted a week.

Kakashi still had pictures, if Sirius remembered right.

"First let's look at what the other schools have to offer. If I remember right, there's hardly any decent selection at Hogwarts, even if it is my old school."

And so without preamble, they compared the schools.

Unsurprisingly for Sirius, Hogwarts came in third next to Salem and the Japanese school.

The three boys didn't want to be separated, and had somehow ended up on the same team with Kakashi (probably to reign them in, snorted Sirius) so they went to the messenger hawk area and asked if Harry could join them.

Japan had the biggest selection and Sirius knew for a fact they were well aware of the massive continent hidden on the oceans between Japan and Hawaii.

Plus the school Itachi had agreed to go to was part of their campus, so it would be relatively easy for them to get a room for all four of them since the higher-ups didn't want people to know about shinobi.

* * *

"_Dear Sarutobi Hiruzen, Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato,_

_ We would like to inform your of our acceptance of Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto and Potter-Black Harry into our school for magically inclined youngsters. As you are no doubt aware by now, Itachi has been accepted into our College-level classes while the trio have been accepted into our High School-level classes._

_For discussions on where to place the portal to make transportation between the village and the boys easier, please reply no later than..."_

"Care to explain this?" said Sarutobi, holding up a letter that had come by way of messenger hawk.

"All the boys are magical and it appears Japan has no intention of forcing them to drop their shinobi studies just to learn magic?" said Sirius innocently.

"Hmm. I thought you said they would go to Hogwarts?"

"I went over it with them and they agreed Japan had a better offer. Wasn't expecting them to agree to install a portal though."

"What exactly would a portal entail?"

Sirius went into what the boys dubbed 'lecture mode one'.

"Portals are, by and large, magical constructs that are either permanent or semi-permanent gateways that can cut travel immensely. A portal can allow you to be in Konoha in the morning, Japan at noon and back in Konoha in time for dinner. If created, it would allow them to continue taking missions and still learn magic from proper teachers. And since they are legally citizens of Konoha, they wouldn't have to deal with the Ministry except in passing," said Sirius.

"So basically they are rather odd modes of transporting from one place to another," said Sarutobi.

"Yes. Though they are exceedingly rare where I come from, since most people use Apparation, port keys, the Knight Bus or brooms. I don't think there are any portals in England aside from Vanishing cabinets, and those are a little too conspicuous."

"Would having a portal installed somewhere in Konoha add to business?"

"To everything except D ranks I should say. Though it might open up to some foreign ninja, since from what I can remember of Japan there are still a few practicing sects, though they don't use chakra from what I know of them, which isn't much."

"I'll have to iron out the details, but you are sure that if I allow this portal to be created they can still act as regular genin?"

"It's either that or put them on an information-gathering mission for a year and learn from Itachi, who might be a little busy."

"We'll see about the portals first."

One month after the letters, Sirius was cheerfully debating magic types with the sorcerers who had showed up to install two portals.

One, of course, would be at the Uchiha estate in an unused area so they could go to and from class without disturbing anyone. The other was in a room just outside the walls so people could hire shinobi for them in Japan without the trip or hassle of bandits. When the second one was completed the tourist industry had a rather noticeable rise in profit from all the visiting magicals.

Fortunately the 'Permanent Chunin Duo' were told of the new portal and the visitors, so there wasn't too much hassle in getting them cleared.

Though that did leave the problem of what happened when a certain cat ran through one of the portals...

* * *

"GAH! Why the hell did that damn cat run through here? And how did it have enough magic to pull it off?!" yelled Naruto.

"I hate that damn Tora. Why the hell couldn't that woman put the stupid thing in a chakra barrier or something? It's not like they couldn't afford a ninja to put one up!" said Harry.

"And when some idiot got too curious about what was in there, they could sick the cat on them," snickered Sasuke.

"Ah, but catching Tora is an unofficial Rite of Passage for all genin. The Fire Lord's Wife has been losing her cats since _before_ she married him. She used to make people catch him then too," said Kakashi.

"...Then it's not the cat's fault, but the lady's?" said Naruto.

"Well, that's one way to put it..." said Kakashi sweatdropping, unaware he just gave them someone else to hit with their pranks.

* * *

"AIIIEEEE! WHO PUT FROGS IN HERE!?"

"What's going on?"

"What happened?"

"QUIET! Everyone go back to what you were doing...someone just played a minor prank on the Fire Daimyo's Wife," said Sarutobi.

"Seriously? Why?" asked one of the jounin.

"Apparently whoever did it was kind enough to leave a note," grumbled Sarutobi.

"_**D**_**e****_a_**r _C**a**_**t ****L_a_**d_y**,**_

Q_**u**_**i**_**t **_t_r_**y**_**i**_n**g ****t**o_ k_**i**_**l**__l _y_o_**u**r _**c**_a**t**. _T__**h**_e_ G__**e**_**n**_i_n _a__**r**_e **t**_**i**_**r**e_**d **_**o**f **c**_**h**__a_s_**i**_n**g **_**T**_**o**_r_a**.**_"_

The note was made entirely of cut out letters, so it was impossible to trace. Judging by the cuts alone, whoever did it used a sharp kunai, which didn't mean much.

However Sarutobi had a very good idea who the hell was behind this one.

He just didn't feel like dealing with the headache at the moment.

* * *

"So what's this I hear about you pranking the Fire Daimyo's Wife?" said Itachi.

"She's the reason we had to do that stupid Tora mission," said Naruto annoyed.

The more they explained their reasoning, the more incredulous Itachi became.

"You do realize that this could destabilize the relationship between the Daimyo and the Hokage right? Everyone hates the Tora missions, but we all deal with it," said Itachi.

"Even Sirius?" asked Harry.

"Well, he didn't have to deal with Tora..." Itachi said, trying not to tell him what Sirius had done to the damn cat.

"Nii-chan, don't lie to us. You know we can tell when you lie," said Sasuke.

_Damn._

"Sirius put the thing under some sort of Genjutsu, and now Tora runs from him at every chance. Somehow he made it more scared of him than it's owner," said Itachi.

How, he had no idea, but it was a running bet with the ANBU who had the weirdest betting rings.

One of which he had placed a hefty sum on because he already knew the truth.

Many wanted to know why they never saw Sirius' black dog when he was around. Itachi was half tempted to teach Sirius the Shadow Clone to see if he could duplicate it with magic so he could get even more cash from the ANBU. Some believed the dog was Black, but most shot that down in favor of even wilder theories.

"If you don't behave, then the old man won't let you attend that magic school next week," said Itachi flatly.

"Aw..." whined the trio.

"And another thing, why frogs?"

"It was either her room or yours," said Naruto.

"If you're going to prank the Fire Daimyo's Wife, do in a _constructive_ way," said Itachi.

Now he had their attention.

To be honest, Itachi never considered blaming the owner instead of the cat. Several of their points were actually well thought out, like asking why she never considered paying for a kekkai barrier for the cat so it wouldn't run away or a leash.

And another thing, how did she have so much trouble holding the cat? She was a former shinobi, she should have been able to hold a bloody cat all the way back to her mansion. Maybe then the Konoha genin wouldn't be forced to catch the damn thing all the time. Surely Tora would have left the village if given the chance.

Which was another point. Tora had more than enough experience to escape genin and jounin alike. So why did he stay in the village when he could have made his way out of the country and away from the woman?

And with that, Itachi bent down to help them plan the next prank.

This was the perfect time to address some concerns he had about the ANBU security detail. He had noticed that they became a bit lax once Naruto became Genin. Plus he had a mischeivous streak that most people didn't know about.

* * *

"Well? What do you four have to say for yourselves?" said the Hokage.

"The ANBU became far too lax because Naruto and the others became genin. Besides...there are a few things the boys brought up that concern me."

"Go on?"

"We all know that the Fire Daimyo's Wife has access to the treasury and any number of skilled shinobi. So why, if she was so concerned about Tora escaping, has she never considered putting that cat under a special kekkai barrier? Or even a seal that would make it impossible for the cat to leave the mansion? And another thing, every jounin knows she is a former Akimichi shinobi...so why is she unable to hold onto her cat long enough to go home?" said Itachi calmly.

Sarutobi sweatdropped. Now that he mentioned it, it was a tad odd.

"That cat is too damn strong to be normal!" complained Naruto.

"Very well. Next time Tora is captured, we shall have the genin team take it to T and I to find out if it really is a cat. If not, you four will be paying the Fire Daimyo's Wife an apology and a new cat."

"Fair enough," said Itachi.


	6. Chapter 6

"Sir, you aren't going to believe this," said the ANBU who came to report the results on Tora.

"What? Is that damn cat an actual demon so we can legally kill it?" said Sarutobi, who was merely voicing the popular opinion of the cat.

"You can't kill Tora sir," said the ANBU nervously.

"And why the hell not? If we kill the cat claiming the thing was a demon, then it would take months for her next cat to get as good as that damn thing, by which time we could have created a seal to keep it contained in the Fire Daimyo's palace," said Sarutobi irritably.

"That's just the thing sir... Tora is already dead."

"...What?"

"For some reason all our scans claim the same thing. Tora is not actually alive. There isn't any blood, heartbeat or any other sign it's alive other than the fact that it hisses and tries to claw the crap out of us..."

"So what you're telling me is that we've been sending genin out to catch a ghost cat?"

"I don't know if it's a ghost or a zombie."

"Excuse me while I have a chat with the Fire Daimyo's Wife..."

* * *

As it later turned out, the woman had accidentally killed Tora one night by rolling on top of him and suffocating him to death. Tora, in a bid for revenge, decided to insure she never saw her husband again by constantly escaping and forcing her to rent a room in Konoha.

Apparently she _had_ created a room that made it impossible for him to escape, but she never had the chance to use it because she didn't know Tora was dead.

The Hokage hired the best exorcist in the Hidden Continents, and created a festival to honor the fact that the accursed Tora missions were _finally_ over with.

When people learned it was because of Naruto, Harry, Sasuke and Itachi who brought it to the Hokage attention that something clearly was wrong with Tora, they were declared heroes of the village. Quite a few people changed their opinion of Naruto after that.

The Fire Daimyo was quite happy with this, since he missed his wife...and it meant he wouldn't have to keep paying for that damn mission ever again.

She did get a new cat though. This one was immediately placed in the specially sealed room, and the genin were pleased to never have to catch it once.

* * *

"UZUMAKI! UCHIHA! BLACK! GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" yelled the teacher.

Naruto had been hit with a fit of absolute boredom, since he hated history with a passion. So, in the spirit of mischief, he had hexed the teacher's hair blue.

The man _hated_ blue.

Suddenly the trio paused, feeling a familiar presence.

"Again?" said Itachi wearily. The boys grin...only to realize Itachi had caught them and they now had to face the wrath of the teacher.

The man's eyebrow was twitching rampantly.

"Well boys, since you seem to have trouble learning history the normal way, I suppose that there is only one solution for you. You'll have to experience history as it happens!" he growled.

Itachi raised an eyebrow at that.

"How do you plan to do that?" he asked.

The teacher huffed.

"For trouble students who cannot appreciate the rich history this world has to offer, several graduates and professors came up with another solution in order to decrease the number of delinquents. The only odd side effect we've seen is that it causes quite a few to join the military and police. It basically sends them to whatever point of history we are studying that day, and makes them live through it personally. Since the history of the world is quite bloody, you can see that quite a few parents had problems with it, even if it did straighten out several problem children."

"...Personally I think you could make a killing back home. Konoha has a less...protective...view of death and war. Though it wouldn't be allowed to any of the young Academy students who probably wouldn't handle the sight very well."

"Remind me to bring this solution up next time you write home."

Harry, Naruto and Sasuke were in awe of the sheer amount of magic and planning it took to create the 'Living History' trick.

But that was nothing when Harry accidentally recreated the Kaiten with magic...and then proceeded to turn himself into a living disaster by playing pinball in Konoha. Sirius had laughed so hard he made himself sick, and had to spend a week in the hospital recovering...when the Hyuuga hit him with a jyuken strike to the nads.

In order to prevent a repeat, Sirius bought Harry a pinball machine for his birthday, and it was often a battle between the brothers to see who got the right to play it, because it was an addicting game. Funnily enough, Sasuke somehow earned his Sharingan by accident trying to predict where the ball would go, to which Itachi claimed if their father had seen that he would have had a heart attack because Sasuke had earned it outside battle.

Though Itachi was cursing when Sirius happened upon the Unspeakable Genjutsu...and somehow managed to recreate it with Naruto, Harry and Sasuke, to the horror of the newly traumatized ANBU...and the Hokage who hadn't covered the seeing globe of his in time.

Needless to say Sirius would be banned from doing that again within village limits...unless the Hokage gave him the signal to do so.

(Hey, he had to get his kicks in somehow, and pranking the civilian council with _that_ was just perfect! Besides, the looks on their faces would be priceless!)

* * *

"I HATE THESE CRAPPY MISSIONS!" said Naruto.

In another life, they would still be trying to catch Tora. Instead they had been given an entire month of boring missions that involved grocery shopping, walking the regular hounds of the Inuzuka (those who didn't have the requirements to become ninja hounds), picking weeds out of a garden, simple home repairs, dishes and laundry and the one Naruto hated the most helping the teachers grade the papers at the Academy.

(The mostly did the most obvious errors, which the teachers went over again to insure that they were graded properly.)

Needless to say Naruto's short patience for boredom had been spent a week in, and he was making the entire team ready to murder someone.

Thankfully for the blond, they did so on his clones, though he did get some rather...unpleasant...memories of said deaths. One involving a pineapple and the 1,000 Years of Death...

"You are in luck Naruto. That last mission was the 50th one you have taken as a genin team, qualifying you for a C rank. We have a few lower level ones, so pick wisely."

Harry, the chosen leader of the group (only because he could get the other two to quit arguing long enough to get the mission over with) went up to the desk.

He skimmed the top, skipping the one to Wave because he wanted to see more of his home and not go to the nearest town. Besides he heard a rumor from some civilians that there had been issues with Wave recently like the local hero being killed by a tyrant. He wasn't too fond of Kumo, as he had heard from another shinobi that there was a Might Gai that rapped horribly every time he spoke that lived there.

Finally he settled on a simple run to Taki. He hadn't heard anything too bad about it, and it had to be better than an exchange of medicinal plants in the middle of the desert.

Harry held up the scroll to Taki, which involved bringing a fresh scroll full of missions that Konoha was sending their way as a show of friendship. In return they would exchange some plants and books with Konoha.

"We'll take the mission to Waterfall, Old man," said Harry.

The Hokage nodded, wondering why he hadn't picked the others. Taki was a pain to get into, plus it took forever to be cleared by the bureaucrats to leave.

* * *

Team 9 (Gai's team) walked in ten minutes later and took another C rank. Since Lee was still recovering from a broken leg from landing wrong a week earlier, he chose something close to home.

They were off to Wave by morning.

Ten hours after they left, Gai sent a summon requesting aid, because the client had mislabeled the mission, and they had faced enemy shinobi close to Konoha.

* * *

"Naruto, I swear to Kami if you mimic that damn cartoon on the way there I will strangle you and not a clone," said Harry.

"Which one?" said Naruto.

"That dumbass one with the talking Sponge," said Harry flatly.

He did _not_ like Spongebob. It was so retarded that it made him want to gouge his eyes out.

Naruto had watched only one episode, but he hadn't liked it that much. _Fairly Oddparents_ was better in his opinion. He could relate to the main character.

As the boys argued over shows they had seen (thanks to an influx from the portals) Kakashi's sweatdrop grew bigger the longer he listened. On the plus side, the boys had been cleared for skipping magical lessons until they got back.

Mostly because half the things that were on the schedule they had already learned through Sirius.

After two days traveling, Kakashi got a reprieve from their bickering (which was more like a trio of brothers ribbing each other than any real fighting) when they reached the village.

It was at the village entrance that they ran into a girl with green hair and a Taki headband around her right shoulder. She spotted them right as they came out of the trees.

"Hi! You guys from Konoha?"

"Yup! Name's Uzumaki-Black Naruto!"

"Potter-Black Harry."

"Uchiha Sasuke."

"My name is Fuu. I'm coming off a mission, so when I spotted you I figured I could help you get in," she said cheerfully. She preferred foreign ninja to Taki nin, because they didn't hate her on sight.

As she and Naruto chatted about all sorts of things, Kakashi had a sneaking suspicion.

There was a very high chance that she was like Naruto. He knew Taki had a bijuu (seven tailed bug) and one of the characteristics was that the jinchuriki had green hair.

He could only hope he was wrong.

Kakashi and Team 7 returned from Taki, tired but pleased.

As it turned out, Naruto had accidentally befriended the jinchuriki of Taki. Not that he knew that until much later of course.

By the time they got to Konoha, a few things had happened.

* * *

_**BOOM!  
**_

"_DAMMIT NARUTO, I SAID NOT TO ADD THE QUILLS UNTIL AFTER YOU TOOK IT OFF THE HEAT!"_ roared the voice of Sasuke.

"_YOU SAID NO SUCH THING!"_ roared the annoyed Naruto.

Zabuza had enough. A week of living in the Uchiha district had been enough for him to pick up unspoken rules.

One: no one gave a damn about the odd noises from the other house.

Two: fan girls were banned from coming within fifty feet of the wall, which Sirius had never taken down because it marked the area they weren't allowed to come in, since it was hard to get anyone to guard the area.

Three: if someone pisses you off, then you are allowed to throw kunai at them or punt them outside the wall for the fan girl horde to attack.

However he had a hangover at the moment, so he couldn't aim a kunai properly. So he settled on yelling.

"WILL YOU BRATS KNOCK IT OFF? SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!" he yelled.

Haku winced.

Someone threw something in the general direction of the house they were living in, and a silence tag hit it. He couldn't even hear the damn birds anymore.

"I don't care who threw it, I'm sleeping today," said Zabuza, crashing on his bed.

He didn't know what the deal was with Black, or why he volunteered to let them stay in the old Uchiha compound (which was heavily guarded after the incident) and frankly he could care less.

All he knew was that being a Konoha nin was infinitely better than being on the run, even if he did have to deal with the oddity that was the remaining Uchiha and the lone Uzumaki of the village.

Learning magic was real didn't concern him. What concerned him were the pranks the boys played on him and the fact that one of them was an unholy spawn of the bijuu who took sadistic pleasure in waking everyone in the compound up at five in the damn morning.

Haku seemed to like living in Konoha, and got along with their new neighbors even better than his master/father.

This was because Sirius had started him on potions, and even had a few books on healing magic, which Haku had a real knack for. It took little convincing for one of the Mediwizards from Japan to teach Haku spells Sirius didn't know.

In other unrelated news, Sirius had to find a new job once the Mediwizards and Healers started to come into the village, because they conspired with the Medic Nins and regular doctors. He was currently renovating one of the houses outside the wall into a small school for beginning magical children, those too young to be accepted in Japan.

Konohamaru, the Sandaime's grandson, was one of those children. Unfortunately for the Hokage, said grandson was enamored with Naruto who had recently humiliated Ebisu, the boy's tutor and who was the first person to treat the kid like a regular child and not the grandson of the Hokage.

The end result was that Konohamaru had taught Naruto's infamous Sexy Jutsu to his two friends...and the insane cackling from the Fox Container gave Sarutobi headaches. This was only compounded when Naruto ran into Anko...and hit it off with the Snake Bitch.

Sarutobi promptly tells the children any damage will come out of their paycheck and that any paperwork caused by the mess would be done by them.


	7. Chapter 7

Haku thought training with Zabuza when he was hungover was a hellish experience.

He was sadly mistaken. Training with a mischievous Sirius Black who had the idea of a great prank and blackmail material was worse.

It came down to this.

Sirius learned of Haku's bloodline. Team 7 had a week off to recover from the trauma of dealing with a very bored Gai who had won a bet against Kakashi resulting in the teams being switched for a week with Sirius' blessing and Itachi's pity for his family.

In order to help them recover, Sirius decided to teach them how to ice skate, which he was surprisingly very good at, even without the Sharingan to copy the movements he saw on TV. Because of Konoha's warm climate, it was near impossible to teach them how without some weird jutsu that allowed them to skate using water chakra.

So he blackmails Haku in the name of training, to see how long he could keep the lake frozen. Zabuza agreed to it, mostly because he was just as curious to the answer.

Sirius at least let the boy bring a few scrolls to read until his chakra gave out.

And so here they were, next to one of Konoha's smaller lakes (next to a training ground, of course) with a pair of sandals that had been outfitted by a bewildered Tenten (who only agreed to it out of curiosity and the promise he would show her team next) with blades. Not the standard long blade, but a pair of them on each shoe.

Naturally the boys were against learning something they considered girly (well, except Naruto who is gender-bent in the head...What? We all know it's true!) right up until Sirius showed them exactly what he had planned.

Even Itachi was impressed when he saw the flip and perfectly executed recovery. Even if Sirius had cheated by using the eyes to pull it off.

James never did understand why Sirius liked to skate on the Black Lake so much. Remus had found it funny as hell to watch, especially when Peter attempted and fell flat on his face every time he tried to copy Black's moves.

Which of course lead to right now.

Haku, when he learned what Black was really after, had grinned and agreed to hold the cameras the man had so thoughtfully brought with him.

Blackmail material on a noble clan was worth it's weight in gold, particularly when it came to fan girls. Draining his chakra dry to keep a lake frozen was well worth it if he caught a few face plants from the boys.

Especially if that person was Itachi.

* * *

_Five hours and countless face plants, blackmail pictures and cackling from Haku and Sirius later..._

Harry and Naruto cautiously skated on the still frozen ice. At least they didn't have to worry about crashing anymore. Sirius laughing his ass off had not been fun for them, considering even Itachi crashed a few times.

Sirius telling them with glee that it would only get harder once he switched them to a single blade had them cursing him...and considering they knew Anko Mitarashi, the variety was fairly impressive.

For once Itachi didn't whack them for the profanity...he actually joined them with even more eloquent swears that they would stock up for later.

What Sirius neglected to tell them was that several ANBU had showed up to watch the entire thing, and quite a few of them were laughing their asses off at seeing Naruto and the Terrible Two embarrass themselves so easily.

Really, they were just enjoying the boys humiliation after all the pranks they played on the poor ANBU.

All of that good nature ended the second a phoenix of all things appeared out of nowhere and dropped a colorblind old man with a stick on the middle of the lake.

Harry had taken one look at him, and promptly skated to the lake's edge where Haku was, as did the rest of the group.

Haku, when he saw them off the ice, immediately cut all chakra from it and waited. He had early on kept the ice as thin as he could to conserve chakra and to avoid killing the fish in the lake. It was so thin that the only reason the five hadn't gone through the ice was because his chakra had reinforced it to hold a little over Sirius' weight.

Without chakra, the old man fell through in an instant. The ice melted rather quickly with the warmer waters, and the ANBU went on high alert.

The old man was less than pleased to have his 'ground' abruptly disappear for no reason.

Then he realized Sirius Black not only recognized him, but was on guard against any attack, whether physical, magical or otherwise. He was also backed up by ten competent warriors he could spot, and many he couldn't.

And there was the fact Sirius was glaring at him like he had done something unspeakable and the man was pissed for reasons he had yet to fathom. Once he was on the shore, he quickly found out what.

"How in the nine hells could you put Harry, _my godson_, with that bitch Petunia?!" he snarled.

"At the time, I had placed him there because of the blood wards Lily had erected..." started Dumbledore.

"Blood wards?! Are you fucking serious? Lily wouldn't do something that idiotic! She knew her sister hated magic! If anyone were to try something like that it would have been James, because he was well aware we shared blood through his grandmother!"

Dumbledore knew that the pure blood families were close, but he had been unaware of the relationship between the Potter and the Black.

"Still, she was the only living relative and you were unavailable..."

"ONLY BECAUSE YOU NEVER GAVE ME A FUCKING TRIAL, YOU ASS! You were the head of the Wizengamot for Spirit's sake! You of all people should know I prized loyalty as dearly as a Puff, yet you believed that just because I had a nervous breakdown I had betrayed someone I loved more than my own brother!" snapped Sirius.

Dumbledore admitted that he had made a mistake when the goblins supplied memories that were proven genuine. Sirius had been cleared of all charges, but according to the message that came from a branch office in Japan, he had no intentions of ever returning to England, war be damned.

In the words of the new Lord Black, he had lost enough.

Considering he had lost his brother in all but blood, his sister, and nearly lost the only friend he could even trust in a single night along with his hard won reputation as not being as Dark as his family, it was understandable he didn't want to deal with it all again.

Plus there was always the nagging feeling that staying in England would lead to his death.

When Dumbledore argued to bring the boys to Hogwarts (to introduce Harry to his parent's heritage) Sirius had laughed at him outright with a cold tone saying he was welcome to try and poach the Magical Schooling of Japan if he could convince them that the transfer was worth their time.

A cultural experience into a backward society of inbreed morons, possibly, but never for a proper magical education.

Sirius had no reservations about his education. When offered by the Headmaster of the school the boys went to, he buckled down and joined them in the shared misery that was homework. He could proudly say that he had learned more about magic in Japan than all seven years of Hogwarts combined.

About the only thing they considered acceptable were his potions, and he had only gotten that good because he constantly brewed the one to fix his eyes.

Itachi had done the same, since he had noted a rather unhappy trait that the Sharingan had, which was the fact that prolonged use damaged the sensory organs when inactive.

It had been quite painful the first time he took the potion, but he would always back that up with the fact that it was well worth it to see shapes and figures clearly again without his doujutsu active.

Even though said potion was now a mandatory requirement that Sirius put forth after every mission that the Sharingan was active for more than an hour. Itachi had agreed to it, remembering quite a few Uchiha who had to wear reading glasses just to see mission reports.

Dumbledore was not happy about how this was going. He was supposed to come here, make the boy's family see reason now that Remus had informed him _where_ Harry was, and return with the Boy-Who-Lived and get the Ministry off his ass.

Instead he finds a very guarded Black, an entire clearing full of well trained and merciless killers, and a boy who had no interest in a backwater school that didn't even teach magic like he wanted.

It was a disaster.

Eventually he was lead to the mission office to meet with the Hokage, and while he left without Harry he did make a contact for when Voldemort finally succeeded in getting a new body together.

* * *

Someone outside the house knocked politely a few times. Itachi opened it to reveal...a Hyuuga?

"Ah! Tsubaki! You're early!" said Sirius cheerfully.

"Sirius...who is she?" asked Itachi slowly, hoping he was wrong.

"My date of course! One night stands are fun and all, but nothing beats taking a real lady out for a proper night on the town!"

"For the love of kami, why a Hyuuga?!"

"Branch house, not main. And she doesn't live with the rest of them, despite what the Elders demand," said Sirius with a twinkle in his eye.

He had gotten this date with Tsubaki, who was one of the less uptight Hyuuga, by demonstrating that seals had trouble getting through magic wards. In exchange for a date, Sirius gave her a set of wards to keep the Hyuuga Elders out, unless she let them in. Even then it would give her a twenty-second delay if they tried to activate her Caged Bird Seal.

More than enough time for a seasoned kunoichi such as herself to kill them and stop the pain from happening.

Itachi relaxed slightly.

"Just don't do anything that would bring Hiashi down on us, okay? Fugaku was bad enough in a snit," said Itachi.

"...I make no promises."

Tsubaki shot him a look and Sirius held up his hands in surrender.

Once he got on his kimono, they left on their date. Itachi could only hope Sirius behaved himself, because he really, really didn't want to deal with Hiashi.

* * *

To the horror of Itachi, Tsubaki apparently liked the date she had with Sirius, Uchiha-blood or not, because she kept returning. It took little doing for her to get used to the lively atmosphere of the Uchiha complex, which was completely at odds with how it was when most of the clan as alive.

At least she was able to reign in most of their antic, so Zabuza could quit lobbing minor explosive tags in the direction of the house across the street.

(It had only taken the ANBU a week to figure out it was Zabuza's way of telling them to pipe down, as he swore on his sword he wouldn't lob anything lower than the weakest of tags unless it was an emergency. The only reason the Hokage allowed it was because it seemed to be the only effective method he had to alert the boys they were getting too rowdy for the neighbors.)

The only reason Hiashi and the other Hyuuga elders had yet to harass her for associating with an Uchiha was because Sirius' only claim to the name was the doujutsu and his great-great grandmother's blood in him.

Harry had some Uchiha blood as well, but Sirius didn't know if he would inherit it or his mother's bloodline, seeing as how Lily had mentioned her grandmother was from the Elemental Countries. He didn't know which one, but according to Lily it was where she got her red hair from.

Still, he was more of a Potter than a Black, so it was possible he would get Lily's blood instead of the mixed heritage Sirius had.

At least now Itachi could catch up on his reading thanks to Tsubaki. Apparently all he needed to do was get Sirius a girlfriend who could reign him in.

Itachi would have sent Anko his way, if not for the almost certain fact that she would be joining them, not stopping them.

It was bad enough that Sirius had accidentally run into her a month ago and had hit it off with her.

Apparently the landlord had enough of her and had kicked her out, snakes and torture be damned. Something about being tired of hearing the screams and having to clean out the blood in the shower drain.

So Sirius, being the gentleman he was and rather liking the snarky snake bitch, had offered to let her rent one of the houses in the compound for a little less than the house was actually worth.

Anko, once she realized he wasn't kidding, had taken him up on the offer. Considering all she had to put up with was the odd noises across the street, The fan girl hordes outside the walls, and the occasional explosive tag when the boys got too rowdy, she considered herself lucky.

Especially when she learned the boys didn't mind defending her honor against some of her more vocal annoyances. Seeing some of the more cruel idiots who taunted her because of her bastard teacher end up on the wrong side of the Uzumaki-Uchiha-Black trio was actually rather touching.

Didn't stop her from laughing her ass off when she saw what they did though. Or from cackling at the look on Kakashi's face when he realized they had befriended the most sadistic bitch of Konoha.

* * *

Itachi opened up the door to reveal...an Aburame.

The Uchiha heir sweatdropped, wondering which one she was here for, because this was quickly becoming a habit.

"Which one are you here for?"

"Harry," she replied calmly.

"Hold on a moment. Green-eyes, your date is here!" Itachi yelled into the house.

Harry swore as Sirius laughed at him, only for Tsubaki to smack him with a frying pan.

As Moony had informed her, Sirius' head wasn't as soft as he claimed, but rather as hard as a rock...and therefor could take some serious damage, like a hard leather book being introduced to his skull.

Harry quickly got ready with a grin.

"Hey Himeko, you're early."

"My parents were rather...eager...to meet you personally Harry-kun."

"Shall we?" he said, holding out his arm. She grinned behind her collar and took it without a word.

Itachi watched this with a resigned air. At the rate this was going, Sasuke and Naruto would be next. If he didn't find someone first.

As that thought hit him, he immediately remembered the loose board under his bed that he hide most of his reading material. Sirius knew it was there, but didn't intrude out of respect for his privacy...though occasionally Itachi found new material he knew hadn't been there before. Thankfully no Icha Icha though...

With a grin, he realized there was one person he could ask, if only so he would have a date before his baby brother. Plus the look of horror on his face when he realized there was every possibility of being related to the only other loudmouth genin from this current batch.

* * *

This time it was Sasuke who answered the door, as his brother was getting ready to go out.

Hana Inuzuka was waiting at the door.

"He ready yet?"

Sasuke, who figured out where this was going, realized that the only bachelor was him. If any girl tried to make a move on Naruto, Hinata would likely strangle her barehanded and the body would never be found.

Which meant he either found a girlfriend or boyfriend soon or be the last man out.

"For the love of kami, please don't make me related to Kiba."

Hana looked at him, before her eyes light up in realization.

"If it makes you feel any better, I can give you permission to prank the living hell out of him if this works out. Or at least make him learn to bathe more than once a month."

"...Complaint retracted. Have a fun night with my brother," said Sasuke flatly.

"Ready to go Hana?" said Itachi.

Hana giggled, and the two walked outside the wall. You could hear the fangirls cry out in horror.


	8. Chapter 8

Sasuke paused in buying the groceries. That was the fourth headband he had seen today not from Konoha and it was from IWA of all places. Something was up. So when he passed by the ramen stand Naruto loved, he asked Teuchi. The chef was reasonably informed for a civilian, considering it was a favored shinobi haunt. He didn't ask uncomfortable questions and he kept his mouth shut about classified information he happened to overhear.

"What's with all the foreign shinobi in the village this week?"

"Hmm? Oh, the Chunin exams are coming up next week. I suppose some of them came early."

"Chunin exams? As in the advancement exam that often leaves grown men crying?" said Sasuke.

"Yeah. They rotate between villages every six months, so I suppose it's Konoha's turn this time. Last time was in Suna I believe."

"Thanks for the heads up, Ramen Guy," said Sasuke. Teuchi chuckled.

Ramen Guy was one of Naruto's many nicknames for him, and his 'brothers' had picked up on it. Not for the first time, he was thankful Sirius Black had come to Konoha, even if it was on the edges of a 'tragedy'. Teuchi hadn't liked the Uchiha that much, and Fugaku always got on his nerves.

* * *

"Chunin Exams are coming up," said Itachi, with his girlfriend Hana. Beside him was Anko, Sirius and Tsubaki. Anko was a bit miffed that she was the only one without a date. Fortunately Naruto had promised he would trick his beloved teacher Iruka to asking her out, if she promised to lay off the snakes a bit.

In the words of the cheerful blond, Iruka needed to get laid and relax for a change.

Iruka would later put said blond in a headlock when the full implications of what he had done kicked in.

"I was wondering why there were so many different headbands. So, you think the brats will be going?"

"Knowing Kakashi? Yes. If only for experience."

"5,000 ryo something comes up and makes this the most fucked up Chunin Exams Konoha has ever had," said Sirius without hesitating.

All the shinobi there turned to look at him.

"What? I know what Potter luck is like, and Naruto luck seems just as strange and unpleasant as Potter luck. About the only good it does is making it damn impossible for them to lose at games of chance," said Sirisu flatly.

"...Potter luck?" said Anko.

"Harry," explained Itachi.

"How bad could it be?" said Hana.

"Most of the weird situations we ended up in was because of his father's bizarre luck. We became friends with Remus because James happened to run across them heading into a tree that was known to send people to the hospital just for being too close to it. And then there was the animagus potion...turned us pink for a week because James put the wrong ingredient in at the worst possible time. According to Remus, the odds of him putting it in at that precise time were astronomical," said Sirius.

"...Remus is the werewolf, right?" said Hana. They were a clan of wolf and dog users. Naturally they were very interesting in the applications an actual werewolf could do with their techniques and ninken.

"Yup."

"Now that is weird luck," said Anko.

Remus had already been cleared to live in the village, though he had opted to have his own house in the Uchiha section. He had to share a room with Sirius for seven years, and that was seven years too long for the poor werewolf.

Well, that and Sirius had a snoring problem as Tsubaki would soon learn.

"So what generally happens in the exam?"

"Cheating/spying test, survival in the Forest of Death, and a tournament," said Anko. Seeing the looks they were giving her, she glared back.

"What? I was picked to be the proctor of the second part!"

"Those poor genin," said Itachi dryly.

"You mean your brother right?" said Tsubaki.

"No, I mean the other teams. They have no idea what she's like. Team 7 is far more likely to cheer her on," said Itachi flatly.

"Damn straight!" said Sirius proudly.

"Who raised them, by the way? I never thought I would find genin crazier than I am," said Anko.

Itachi turned and Looked at Sirius pointedly.

"All forms of Insanity are laid on his feet," he said.

The girls looked at him incredulous.

"I've raised my minions well," said Sirius happily.

Sirius had taken the boys under his wing as the oldest member of the house. Even Itachi looked up to him to an extent...mostly because Sirius knew how to deal with girls. Fugaku and the other Uchiha seemed to regard fangirls as a necessary training method that every boy had to learn on their own.

Sirius disagreed with that, and showed Itachi how to gently bring them down to earth. Or at least reject them without bringing their angry parents down on his head.

Sasuke, when he realized that Sirius wasn't trying to replace his birth parents, but genuinely cared about him and Itachi equally, had loosened up to actually trust the man. It had taken a few years for Sasuke to become comfortable with the fact he loved Sirius more as a father than he had his real one. Though it didn't hurt that even Itachi sometimes slipped and called him dad on occasion.

Harry and Naruto had no such reservations. Neither of them even remembered their parents and Sirius certainly acted like a real father to them.

It wasn't until later that Sirius found out Anko took Harry and Naruto into the biggest casino in Konoha and nearly wiped the place clean, having remembered Sirius' comment about their luck in concerns to games of chance.

She also swore never to play poker against either of them.

* * *

Kakashi handed the boys the papers, and they signed without hesitation. Once that was done, they went around the village.

Harry noticed Konohamaru was being chased by Hanabi for something, though from the shouts it sounded like he had put frogs down her shirt. He snickered.

All that good mood vanished when he heard a shout from Konohamaru.

Harry and Naruto went to see what was going on and found the runt being held up by a Suna genin.

Harry didn't think twice. He signaled Naruto to catch Konohamaru right as he cast a silent 'levicorpus' spell at the Suna jerk.

Kankuro was in a foul mood after the brat crashed into him. It became even worse when without warning he was jerked up by his ankle into the middle of the air.

He dropped the brat once he was in the air, and a blond with whisker marks caught him.

"Serves you right creep!" the blond shot at him.

"PUT ME DOWN!"

"Considering I just saved us all a trip to see Anko-chan, you should be thanking me," said a messy-haired green-eyed boy.

"Who is Anko-chan?" asked Temari.

"Oh, no one special," said the boy smirking.

"Just the most sadistic, bloodthirsty bitch of a kunoichi who specializes in torture and interrogation techniques who enjoys dropping snakes on people for fun," said the blond with a smirk.

Temari paled.

"Why would bullying a single Academy student get us sent to T and I?" she asked.

"Ah, but you see this chibi isn't just any student... he's the Third's only grandson...at least until Asuma finally gets off his ass and marries Kurenai-san," said the black-haired boy wagging a finger.

If Temari was pale before, she was ghostly now.

The blond kid put the chibi down, who pouted.

"Naruto-nii, you didn't have to brag about Jiji!" complained the kid.

"If it means avoiding a rather short fight before the ANBU showed up, then yes, yes we did," said the black-haired one.

"And you! When were you going to show me such an awesome spell Harry-nii?!" said the chibi, pointing at the black-haired one.

"When you were finally cleared by Sirius to carry the same kunai we use, Konohamaru. Now, unless you want us to mention this to the old man, why don't you scamper... Unless you would like to join us and Red up there for some ramen?" said Harry.

Temari squeaked.

Gaara had been watching them the entire time.

Gaara dropped down, glaring at Kankuro for nearly getting them kicked out for being an idiot, again.

He looked at Harry with curiosity in his eyes. The way he so flippantly asked them meant he had no fear of them.

"We will join you," said Gaara finally.

Harry beamed at him. Konohamaru decided against ramen, since he had something planned with his friends. Harry did offer to buy him lunch at another time, which the boy cheerfully took him up on.

Gaara was curious about Harry. He would cheerfully speak to him without even a hint of fear, and he seemed to enjoy mocking Kankuro.

Kankuro seemed irritated that the Konoha brat who had gotten him good with that odd jutsu seemed to be under the impression that he used his puppets as 'stress release'.

Temari appeared to be having trouble not laughing her ass off.

"Oi, Ramen Guy! We bring new customers and money!" yelled Harry grinning.

"Money!" said Teuchi, only to be nailed with a ladle by his daughter.

"Hello Naruto, Harry! New friends?" said Ayame smiling as her father rubbed his head in pain. She would have to switch the ladles, but it was worth the amusement the boys showed at the sight. Including a redhead she had never seen before.

Probably a foreign genin then.

"Nah...just stopped cat-boy over there from hurting Konohamaru and ruining our day."

"What will it be?" asked Teuchi, recovering quickly with ease of practice.

"Chicken!" said Harry with a chirp.

"Miso, pork, beef and chicken!" said Naruto with equal fervor.

"...Shrimp," said Gaara after looking at the menu.

"Beef!" said Kankuro.

"...Fox Special," said Temari. It seemed interesting enough.

"Coming right up!" said Teuchi.

"So...you guys from Suna? What's it like?" asked Harry.

"Hot. Sandy. Dry," said Gaara.

"We live in the desert," said Temari blandly.

"Best place to perfect the art of the sandcastle," said Harry knowingly.

Temari choked. That was a hell of a way to put it.

"What is Konoha like?" asked Gaara, curious. They had only arrived yesterday, and they had never come here before.

"In the village? Quiet, boring, and there used to be a hazard known as Tora before we learned that damn cat was actually a ghost making everyone miserable. In our compound though, it's rather lively."

"Why?" asked Temari.

"Because explosions are mandatory, pranks are a daily occurrence, and no one thinks twice about lobbing low-end explosive tags as a way of telling people to shut up and tone it down," said Naruto wisely.

"...You're allowed to throw explosive tags inside a compound without people coming after you about it?" said Kankuro in disbelief.

"To be fair, it's one of the best ways to get our attention, and it's only the weakest ones. About the only person who does it is Zabuza during a hangover," said Harry.

"...Why are you so calm around me?" asked Gaara confused.

"Why shouldn't we be? Suna and Konoha are allies, and while you do resemble a raccoon rather heavily, you don't scare me nearly as much as Tsubaki or kami-forbid Himeko-chan on their periods."

Naruto, when he heard that line, swallowed what he had in his mouth so he could laugh at his brother. He didn't want to do a spit take with his beloved ramen after all.

"Just you wait Naruto... When your stalker finally gets the courage to confess, you'll experience the same terror we do."

"...Stalker?" said Naruto confused.

One of the very few thing Sirius had done was teach Naruto table manners. He still ate like an Akimichi, but he no longer did it in a way that would make people sick to their stomachs watching him.

"You never..." said Harry before he started laughing his ass off.

Even Teuchi and Ayame chuckled at the blond's cluelessness.

"Hey!" complained Naruto, before he used his chopsticks to deftly steal some noodles from Harry's bowl.

Harry got a crazed gleam in his eye.

"So that's how it's going to be? Loser had to do the chores for the week!"

"DEAL!"

And with that, the two brothers fought over the noodles, miraculously never spilling a single drop of broth.

Teuchi didn't stop them for one reason.

They had done this before, quite a few times. Both had mastered the art of eating without spilling any of his food, no matter _what_ bizarre angle they were at.

Besides, these particular fights were considered the best free entertainment you could find at the stall. Quite a few shinobi (who didn't hate Naruto) would often make bets on who would win while watching the show.

"Is this normal?" asked Temari worriedly.

"For those two, yes. Besides, they always pay for the ramen. Not to mention it's a frequent floor show for anyone eating here, and it always brings in more business," Teuchi chuckled.

Sure enough, a few shinobi appeared to take seats and order ramen to watch the show. None of them were dumb enough to take the seats Harry and Naruto had vacated, because it was an unspoken rule.

Well, that and the boys needed an opening to get another bowl. During these mock battles, Harry could match Naruto bowl for bowl.

"HA! I win fox-breath!" said Harry triumphantly, eating the last noodle in Naruto's bowl.

"DAMN!"

Naruto hated doing the chores, which included cleaning the blood out of Itachi's outfits from missions. That was always a pain in the ass.

"You do know a good scourgify gets rid of the blood, right?" said Harry conspiratorially.

"...I am going to kill Sasuke. He never mentioned it!" growled Naruto.

"...Baka. For crying out loud, it's called a cleaning charm!"

"I thought it was a scowling charm."

"Baka!"

Gaara did something that had his siblings freak out. He started to laugh. Not his usual insane, crazed laughter, but an actual laugh.

The Uzumaki-Black-Uchiha-Potter clan was highly entertaining. And for some reason his 'Mother' enjoyed their slapstick humor very much.

Hey, if all it took to get his mother off his ass about killing people was watching comedy like that, then he would get a sense of humor. Frankly he found the whole murder in the name of whoever the hell the voice in his head was a bit boring...that and he heard Abbot and Costello was pretty damn good. And the Three Stooges.


	9. OMAKE: Summons

"What were the signs for summoning again?" said Harry grinning.

Unlike Naruto, Itachi and Anko, no one else in the compound had a summoning contract with any animals. Itachi would have let Harry or Sasuke sign the raven/crow contract, except he didn't have it. He had signed it right before turning it in, and he hadn't seen it since.

The Hokage had allowed it since he did deserve something for taking out that A-class asshole, who had been a real pain to kill. The fact he had bothered to turn it in meant he got a nice mid-A-rank bonus at the end of his check that month.

So Harry, Sasuke and surprisingly enough Gaara (who was only there to visit the Uchiha compound since Harry had intrigued him and had displayed an interest in trying his luck at summons) were out in the biggest open training area trying to summon a clan without a contract.

Anko, Itachi, Zabuza, Sirius and Haku were all waiting on the sides as a precautionary thing, since according to Itachi, trying to make a new summoning contract was inherently dangerous, as you never knew what you would get.

You could get a demon, or heaven forbid an unchained bijuu by accident, and then you were screwed sideways.

Itachi patiently ran through the symbols again, and Harry memorized them.

"Ready guys? One, two...Three!"

Three sets of hands ran through the hand signs before crying out "Summoning Jutsu!"

Three plumes of smoke appeared, signaling that it had been successful.

The first was Harry's attempt. Standing in front of him was a little girl with pink hair, a black and white uniform with a strange badge, and a sword.

"Hi!"

"Um...hi. What exactly are you?"

"My name's Yachiru! Lieutenant of Squad Eleven and Soul Reaper!" she said with a chirp.

"Cool. Can I sign your summoning contract?"

"Sure! Here it is!" she said with a grin. She pulled out a massive scroll from out of nowhere, and Harry wisely didn't ask. Once it was signed, Yachiru vanished with a pop.

Sasuke was next. In front of him was this massive bird which could easily be used for transport. It almost resembled an oversized chicken, to be honest. The funny thing was that Sirius recognized it.

"Dude...you summoned a _chocobo?_"

"What's a chocobo?" said Sasuke.

"It's a bird that you can ride. Some call it the bird of happiness, but I never understood why. This is the first time I've seen a living one."

"Why's that?" asked Itachi.

"Because it's from a video game series called _Final Fantasy_. By all rights it shouldn't even exist, but then again most people don't believe in wizards either."

Everyone blinked.

"Okay... In any case, can I sign your contract?"

"Kweeh," said the bird, pulling out another contract. Sasuke signed it and it vanished when he was done. But it did leave an odd feather behind.

Gaara was last, and the most bizarre. In front of him was a bright pink pony with balloons on it's flank (both sides) with curly hair and big eyes. The One-Tailed Jinchuriki blinked twice.

"What exactly are you supposed to be?"

"I'm an Earth Pony silly! You can call me Pinkie!"

"Right... Maybe I should try my luck again," said Gaara tonelessly.

"Want a cupcake?" said Pinkie. She held out a brightly colored cupcake on her hoof.

"Where did that come from?" asked Naruto.

Gaara tried it and was surprised how good it was. That didn't mean he was going to sign _this_ contract though. He would never live it down, and there was already an ongoing joke with his sister that his older brother Kankuro was quite possibly gay and a pervert.

He wasn't going to throw his sexuality into question by having a summoning contract with a brilliantly colored pony.

Haku, on the other hand, was immediately charmed by the pony and had no problems throwing which side he batted for into question. He did that enough by pretending to be female anyway.

"Well if you're not going to sign her contract, do you have any problems with me signing it?" said Haku.

Gaara shook his head, and Pinkie handed over the contract. Haku signed it and Pinkie told him it would take a day before it was finalized. So if he tried to summon today, chances were he wouldn't get a Pony at all.

With that in mind, Zabuza urged Haku to try his own luck at a second contract with Gaara, because there was no way in hell he was going to work with the boy if he used _Pony_ summons, no matter how strong they were.

So Haku and Gaara tried their own luck again.

This time there weren't any horse...er, Ponies, but there was another human girl and another odd creature who only Sirius recognized.

Haku had accidentally summoned a Koorime, and Gaara had brought out what Sirius identified as Kuriboh.

While this was yet another cute, fluffy creature, this one wasn't nearly as girlie as the last.

And so, the day ended with many an odd summoning contract being created...

* * *

_**Cough...I plead the fifth. And fully blame my overactive plot bunnies trying to add to an already heavy workload with all the stories I have out there unfinished.**_

_**This was just something that bounced around my head for a few hours that amused me so much that I had to write it, even as an Omake that will never be unless the fans actually **_**want****_ one of the summoning contracts I used in the actual story...then it will be incorporated into it._**

_**Remember, if you liked one of the contracts, I want to know!**_


End file.
